Healthy dating & relationships: The three categories of sexual intercourse. Which is for you?

Here is great advice on how to distinguish the differences between the three levels of sexual intercourse. What level are you on presently? Do you want to change this level? These are questions to ask yourself if you want or would like to remain maintaining healthy dating, relationships and sexual encounters. Please read the following from our fabulous friend Addison Tower:

"Personally, I believe the act of sex versus love making is very different. I have only had sexual intercourse with one person in my life, that being my ex of Two and a half years. I don't have a lot of sexual experience in dealing with intercourse with men to base my ideals off from, but being with a person for Two and a half years works just as well. I believe that with my ex we have had both sex and love making, and another. Actually, there are three categories of sexual intercourse; love making-the one we all try to achieve, sex-the act of just doing it to be physically connected, and excuse the language, but f**king-sexual intercourse in an animalistic way. Love making is the most intimate version of sexual intercourse. You are totally at peace with yourself and your partner in every position. You aspire to make the other person feel euphoria, and you put their needs before your own. You feel intertwined in every way possible-by the heart, the mind, and the soul. It's very deep and overwhelming. It's the best way to experience a world outside of your own, as a couple and as an individual. Sex is the routine way of getting down to it. This type of sexual intercourse is usually done during a busy week, whether it is with the office or with school. Every move tends to be down pack, and both of you achieve orgasm in a very timely manner. It's a hit and a home run, and you're done. This type of sexual intercourse tends to be done just to relieve tension, and to connect for a few minutes during the busy week. The final type of sexual intercourse, f**king, is the most rough way of getting down to it. It doesn't matter if you're having a busy week, if your partner turns over at 4:30am and wants a quickie, or if you’re vacuuming your house in your cotton dress and pearls and your husband comes home early. It's the animalistic drive that gets you going. One look, one touch, one feeling can get you going. You want to be really physical, be rowdy, and be aggressive. This is when I like to use the phrase, "go hard or go home," because that's exactly what is expected. Anyone can f**k or have sex, but it takes true individuals that have matured as a couple together to achieve the act of love making. You know you have made love when you feel the divine spirit between the two people."-Addison Tower


Thank you Addison for sharing! We hope this helps readers of all walks of life. Thoughts?


p.s- Read up on some informative sexuality books!

Advice from A REAL dude: Lovers & Friends make healthy relationships.

By Briana Booker

 Here at Fromgirltogirl, we like to keep real. We are not going to be like your Cosmo magazine telling you a guy told us this advice to make you better at dating or sex. We collect our information and tips from the streets. We take it from the average dude.

Today we received some of the most epic advice we have heard in months from a real dude. It sparked from a conversation I had with a young man interviewing me for a college assignment. I asked him why do men favor casual relationships as opposed to real courting nowadays.  He told me the following:

We(girls/women) told them (boys/men)"we just want to be friends" when things got too serious. 

It is confusing the hell out of them(boys/men) because now we whine about there is no courtship. Is it true?

 A great guy of the name of Joseph Riedel gave me a wonderful answer. It is as followed( please read carefully ladies):

That, and the fact that most guys are just after sex. There are very few men left that are still enamored with the idea of courtship. Couple these points with the fact that most(if not all) men cannot read women to save their lives, many men just don't bother to make the effort to figure out where things are going.

My response:  So pretty much being lazy. Well I don't know what other women think,but sex without getting to know a dude is boring. And it will make the sex horrible. I get bored easily though.

Riedel: You hit it pretty much on the head with the laziness observation.

Another problem is that many women have figured out that most guys are just after sex, and have inoculated themselves to a certain degree. The problem with this is that when they actually do come across a guy who isn't just about sex(the "...nice guy") they assume that he is just after sex and ignore him, or they banish him to the dreaded "friend zone".

My advice for women looking for a decent guy who will go the distance: Look in the friend zone. That's where the good ones always are. This is why they stick around, even without sex - they're quality guys.

I spent years in the friend zone of different girls who years later - when they found out I had feelings for them - asked me why I didn't make a move. My answer was that perhaps if they hadn't banished me to the friend zone and turned me into an asexual aberration in their minds, they might have seen the signs.

Men and women tend to have self-defeating tendencies when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex and finding a partner.

Men want to settle down with a woman who is nice and not a slut, but then they proceed to only pursue women who are slutty.

Women lament that they want a quality guy who isn't just chasing tail, then they proceed to banish any guy who isn't chasing tail to the friend zone. The mentality is, "If he's not trying to get into my pants, something must be wrong."

These are issues we have to address in the education of our young people, as well as our peers, and within ourselves.

I think this is fabulous advice. I hope readers take it for what it is worth. Thoughts?

 

Steps to Healthy dating: Stop filling voids & act on Self-respect.

By Briana Booker

Often during the day, I start thinking about life experiences or random thoughts in my head. I often put these remarks on social networks. Today, I put up a topic about not rushing into things when dating. It is the best advice you will ever hear from me that deals with dating. It is true. How are you going to do anything intimate and not feel vulnerable, with someone you barely know? You would be lying to say you could...every experience changes us in life no matter how large or small.

Words of Wisdom from a beloved friend.
Today, my fabulous friend Addison Tower gave me the best advice on waiting to have sex with someone and maintaining self-respect for yourself! When you settle for less in self-respect it is because you are trying to fill a void! Trust me, lowering your standards will not make you feel any better at the end of the day or 15 years from now. You have to fill that void by finding security in yourself.

Please read the following from my friend Addie. Let us know your thoughts:

"No strings attached sex is bullshit. Someone always gets attached, whether it is the guy or the girl. So if my thing is, if you are going to have sex,whether you are a guy or a girl, you better: 

1. Make sure you have documented proof that the person you are going to sleep with is 100% clean and that you are too. No more nasty dangerous stuff needs to be spread around in this world & don't be a p*ssy, man up and get tested. If you have any doubts and you are too scared to get tested, then you should not be messing around with anyone anyways.
2. Be honest with yourself, whether you are a guy or a girl. could you truly be ok emotionally and physically, after you sleep with the person? If you have any doubts that this would shake your character or that it would put your morals/values into question, then don't do it.

3. Tell the person you are with what you need/want from them, within reason. If they can not give it to you, then do not even waste your time. Life is too short, and they are probably too shady at that point.

 Oh and P.S.-whether you are sexually promiscuous or not,

I've never a met a sexually promiscuous person that is actually OK with themselves, whether they are a guy or a girl. They are clearly behaving that way because they need to fill a void, they have a problem with intimacy, and/or they need a lot of attention.  

I know everyone gets horny and sexually frustrated from time to time, so learn to handle it yourself. There's nothing wrong with that-it's disease free and it can't get you/anyone else pregnant. 

Bottom line: Don't be a man whore or a woman whore. No one likes a whore. It's a sign of weakness. To the men out there, it really is a sign of weakness, not power. Having the self respect and self restraint makes you much more appealing to a woman. Actually, that applies to women too.


Those are my beliefs/morals/values...it has always kept me safe/clean and respected. You have the power to teach people how they will treat you. I am all about self respect. If you don't have it, then how can you expect anyone to respect you? You can't. The world doesn't work like that. Every man/woman for himself. Self advocate and be your own best friend. I wouldn't have it any other way. " ~Addison Tower

Dating call to action: Healthy dating. Avoiding the wrong person and recognizing a healthy relationship.

By Briana Booker

Often when we do not know a good thing from a bad thing, we are more inclined to jump on a fast-paced train. This gets really hard to jump off once on. This happens often in the dating department. But it can be avoidable. You can stop yourself right now, from avoiding the wrong person in dating. You can recognize healthy dating from unhealthy dating. I am writing this post to give myself and Fromgirltogirl readers a call to action.

 Now, when dating first starts it is that great high and excitement of being introduced to something new. You hope for the best. However when one starts declining from this high, reality sets. You have to decide whether you will put your time and effort into another person. You have to decide if you both are going to put two feet in for a healthy dating atmosphere.

We all have had instances where we dated someone we knew, deep down, was not the one for us.  He or she was not right for us. Yet, we still pursued it. Now, logically why would we do that? It is all summed up by the following four themes:

1.Insecurity or loneliness. You do not love yourself enough to want more of yourself and others. You simply settle.
2. External pressures. You feel you have to fit the norm.
3. You think dating is the next logical step.
4.  Length of time and effort you have invested. "I did not want to put to waste all the time I spent and invested in this relationship."

I am here to tell you, it is time to listen to your gut. No matter how you flip it, you know deep down someone is right or wrong for you...by how you instinctively feel. This is how you start on that trend of dating the wrong types of people when you ignore this gut feeling.

Now, to avoid continuing this horrible trend here are some questions you should ask yourself after the first five or six dates you have been with a person. Because, whether you like it or not, the questions of where do we stand will inevitably come up.


Here are five key questions to ask yourself to see if you are truly ready for healthy dating:

1. Will you want to be with this person six months from now?
2.Are you under any pressure to continue dating the person? Are you being influenced by your family or friends?
3.Have you set an deadline for yourself about settling with someone? Is there a Ticking biological clock going in your head?
4.Are you dating because you think it is the next logical step?
5.Are you dating because you are tired of being alone or afraid no one “better” is going to come along?
6. Do you and your date share the same goals, beliefs, and ideals for a relationship? Have you ever talked about any of this with each other?

A majority of people, when they find themselves in bad circumstances, they often say: "I did not want to be selfish" , " I was tired of being alone", " I wanted to date by a certain time", "  I made a promise", or " I did not want to hurt he or she". And I am going to say if you have to say any of these things as explanation for staying somewhere you are not happy with...you have some soul-searching within yourself to do.

Abusive dating in a spiritual or a physical matter will never do any good for anyone involved. Ever. Get yourself together. And then you will be able to function in a healthy manner with someone else. Fact.

The best way to form healthy dating is by getting on the table what you both want and need. You also need to think what is important to you. Values are crucial to how things will progress. For example, if family and traditions are important to you...then make that known to your partner. If faith is something you stand for, make that obvious.

What is important is not a universal list. It will differentiate person to person. However, there is a universal guide to healthy dating qualities. They are as followed, and it starts with questioning:

1.Do you bring out the best in each other, not the worst?
2.Do you encourage each other to grow personally, professionally and emotionally?
3. Can you recognize when change is positive and healthy?
4. Do you trust each other and know that you can count on one another to do the right thing?
5. There’s no jealousy or second-guessing in the relationship?
6. Do you have fun together?
7.Do you share common core beliefs and values?
8. Do you try connecting on an emotional and spiritual level? This is as powerful and vital as a physical connection.
9.Do you communicate with each other out of care and concern instead of judgment and criticism?
10. What is the tone of  your voice when you are critical and judgmental? If It is harsh, there is a good chance there is not real care or concern for the other person.


Real talk. Do you have these qualities in your relationship? If not, you should be listening to that gut feeling. You know what it is right for you. It is that same feeling you had as a child when things just did not seem right. As adults we try to tune out this information.

I leave you with  this question:  If the person you are dating says or does anything counter to your morals or beliefs, how do you feel? Does it make you feel uneasy?

Pay attention to this the next time you start dating someone. Define what concerns you. Think how that behavior or attitude will  make you feel six months from now. If you are still with that person six months from, think how will you feel taking this bullshit 15 years from now. It is something to think about.

Remember, life is about choices. The 'one' you choose as a companion will dictate a great deal of your joys and sorrows. You have a gut feeling about things for a reason. Pay attention to it. It is the way of the universe telling you what is best for you. And it starts with self-love.