Stop dogging me around: Combating bullying.

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   By Briana Booker

 We have all been in a situation where we were bullied, acted as a bully or had to stand up and walk away from a situation to not be predator or prey. It is everyone's right to not be bullied, harassed, abused or assaulted. And when someone makes you feel inferior, shamed, guilty and scared...that right is taken away from you. Everyone deserves to feel welcomed, appreciated and a sense of belonging- in real life and on the Internet.

Recently on our  Fromgirltogirl Facebook home page (add us) ,we sparked a discussion on how to tackle the issue of bullying in person and online( the Internet). It has been under discussion by the U.S Department of Education in reforming the education system.

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Sherryn Daniel, blogger of http://sherryndaniel.wordpress.com/ , had  a wonderful recommendation on tackling the issue of bullying! Daniel believes the following would be a great tactic to combat bullying:

"A great tactic to combat bullying is to call them out for their actions, if there is a group present. And, every time the bully reacts the person getting bullied says politely, " Well, X, I don't understand why you have to call me this or do this me."... It puts all eyes on the bully and makes him/ her feel self-conscience. This is a great tactic against female bullies, since most females get paranoid about fitting in well with other women.I'm glad the U.S Dept. of Education is putting effort towards preventing bullying. I feel that the long-term affects of childhood bullying can ruin a child's life and bleed into their adulthood too. "

We strongly agree with Daniel's strategy! In addition  to this strategy, we think some self-love and peace courses need to be taught in  the education system throughout the years of social development. Just because  a person is different than one's self does not mean the person deserves to be mistreated. In fact, it takes more effort to be rude and selfish than it takes to be kind and respectful.

The next time you desire to be rude or hurtful to someone, take a step back and ask yourself why do you get a thrill from being cruel. If you are the one being bullied, ask yourself why do you accept being controlled by a bully. Have some courage to be the best you, you can be. You have the law on your side if someone physically tries to harm you. And you have something greater than the law on your side, you have the ability to transform your adversary into a friend by being confident in yourself and loving yourself.

Once, the summer before I became a high school freshman, I was a camp counselor. One of my campers was a trouble maker who bullied just about every child at the camp. One day he really misbehaved, so I took away all his recess sessions for a week. As a consequence for his actions, he had to spend all his recesses with me. 

I am not really into punishment, so I told him since he wanted to be the boss around camp he should teach the lectures. I learned, he was in the third grade and did not know how to read at all.  I realized it was one of the reasons he chose to misbehave in class rather than try to do school work. I decided it was my job to teach him how to read.


Long story short, as his ability to learn how to read throughout summer improved...his behavior improved. He stopped being  a bully.  I have no idea where he is today,but I will always remember him. I remember him for overcoming his struggle to become literate more than remembering him for being a bully. Everyone has a challenge and story behind it. We all have the choice and ability to overcome our challenges.


I recall throughout my own childhood being bullied and told to practice being a bully by my peers. Neither role is a great role to play. For example, growing up i had quite a few girls bully me about my body to the point I started becoming insecure about myself. I would intentionally wear really baggy clothes just so I would not be targeted. And I got to the point I craved attention and acceptance from people I knew mistreated me. Illogical. I have learned that making bullies accountable for their actions does help. But what helps most is being okay in my own skin and confident.As I have grown older, I have learned to not worry as much about external approvals. I approve of myself and believe in myself. Believing in myself and being loving to myself has made a wonderful and positive impact on my life. And it has enabled me to be loving to those around me- which is something bullies lack-the ability to love and be loved. Bullies prevent themselves from being loving and being loved by being infatuated with controlling and abusing others. It is a cry for help when your insecurities start to inflict you and those around you with pain.


Just because someone has done wrong upon you does not make it right for you to do wrong upon another, especially someone who has never harmed you. Think about it.


And if you see someone being bullied, do not be a bystander- power comes in groups,speak up and get people near by to tell the bully what they are doing is not kind and demeans his or her own character, not the person being bullied.

Do you have suggestions on how to tackle the issue of bullying in person and online(the Internet)? Share your thoughts!

 "Any anti-bullying advice or scheme or initiative which fails to mention accountability for bullies or for the responsible adults who are failing in their duty of care is likely to meet with at best limited success." -Tim Field, Author of Bullycide: Death at Playtime

 

Below are some good reads on how to combat bullying:

Advice from A REAL dude: Lovers & Friends make healthy relationships.

By Briana Booker

 Here at Fromgirltogirl, we like to keep real. We are not going to be like your Cosmo magazine telling you a guy told us this advice to make you better at dating or sex. We collect our information and tips from the streets. We take it from the average dude.

Today we received some of the most epic advice we have heard in months from a real dude. It sparked from a conversation I had with a young man interviewing me for a college assignment. I asked him why do men favor casual relationships as opposed to real courting nowadays.  He told me the following:

We(girls/women) told them (boys/men)"we just want to be friends" when things got too serious. 

It is confusing the hell out of them(boys/men) because now we whine about there is no courtship. Is it true?

 A great guy of the name of Joseph Riedel gave me a wonderful answer. It is as followed( please read carefully ladies):

That, and the fact that most guys are just after sex. There are very few men left that are still enamored with the idea of courtship. Couple these points with the fact that most(if not all) men cannot read women to save their lives, many men just don't bother to make the effort to figure out where things are going.

My response:  So pretty much being lazy. Well I don't know what other women think,but sex without getting to know a dude is boring. And it will make the sex horrible. I get bored easily though.

Riedel: You hit it pretty much on the head with the laziness observation.

Another problem is that many women have figured out that most guys are just after sex, and have inoculated themselves to a certain degree. The problem with this is that when they actually do come across a guy who isn't just about sex(the "...nice guy") they assume that he is just after sex and ignore him, or they banish him to the dreaded "friend zone".

My advice for women looking for a decent guy who will go the distance: Look in the friend zone. That's where the good ones always are. This is why they stick around, even without sex - they're quality guys.

I spent years in the friend zone of different girls who years later - when they found out I had feelings for them - asked me why I didn't make a move. My answer was that perhaps if they hadn't banished me to the friend zone and turned me into an asexual aberration in their minds, they might have seen the signs.

Men and women tend to have self-defeating tendencies when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex and finding a partner.

Men want to settle down with a woman who is nice and not a slut, but then they proceed to only pursue women who are slutty.

Women lament that they want a quality guy who isn't just chasing tail, then they proceed to banish any guy who isn't chasing tail to the friend zone. The mentality is, "If he's not trying to get into my pants, something must be wrong."

These are issues we have to address in the education of our young people, as well as our peers, and within ourselves.

I think this is fabulous advice. I hope readers take it for what it is worth. Thoughts?

 

Dating call to action: Healthy dating. Avoiding the wrong person and recognizing a healthy relationship.

By Briana Booker

Often when we do not know a good thing from a bad thing, we are more inclined to jump on a fast-paced train. This gets really hard to jump off once on. This happens often in the dating department. But it can be avoidable. You can stop yourself right now, from avoiding the wrong person in dating. You can recognize healthy dating from unhealthy dating. I am writing this post to give myself and Fromgirltogirl readers a call to action.

 Now, when dating first starts it is that great high and excitement of being introduced to something new. You hope for the best. However when one starts declining from this high, reality sets. You have to decide whether you will put your time and effort into another person. You have to decide if you both are going to put two feet in for a healthy dating atmosphere.

We all have had instances where we dated someone we knew, deep down, was not the one for us.  He or she was not right for us. Yet, we still pursued it. Now, logically why would we do that? It is all summed up by the following four themes:

1.Insecurity or loneliness. You do not love yourself enough to want more of yourself and others. You simply settle.
2. External pressures. You feel you have to fit the norm.
3. You think dating is the next logical step.
4.  Length of time and effort you have invested. "I did not want to put to waste all the time I spent and invested in this relationship."

I am here to tell you, it is time to listen to your gut. No matter how you flip it, you know deep down someone is right or wrong for you...by how you instinctively feel. This is how you start on that trend of dating the wrong types of people when you ignore this gut feeling.

Now, to avoid continuing this horrible trend here are some questions you should ask yourself after the first five or six dates you have been with a person. Because, whether you like it or not, the questions of where do we stand will inevitably come up.


Here are five key questions to ask yourself to see if you are truly ready for healthy dating:

1. Will you want to be with this person six months from now?
2.Are you under any pressure to continue dating the person? Are you being influenced by your family or friends?
3.Have you set an deadline for yourself about settling with someone? Is there a Ticking biological clock going in your head?
4.Are you dating because you think it is the next logical step?
5.Are you dating because you are tired of being alone or afraid no one “better” is going to come along?
6. Do you and your date share the same goals, beliefs, and ideals for a relationship? Have you ever talked about any of this with each other?

A majority of people, when they find themselves in bad circumstances, they often say: "I did not want to be selfish" , " I was tired of being alone", " I wanted to date by a certain time", "  I made a promise", or " I did not want to hurt he or she". And I am going to say if you have to say any of these things as explanation for staying somewhere you are not happy with...you have some soul-searching within yourself to do.

Abusive dating in a spiritual or a physical matter will never do any good for anyone involved. Ever. Get yourself together. And then you will be able to function in a healthy manner with someone else. Fact.

The best way to form healthy dating is by getting on the table what you both want and need. You also need to think what is important to you. Values are crucial to how things will progress. For example, if family and traditions are important to you...then make that known to your partner. If faith is something you stand for, make that obvious.

What is important is not a universal list. It will differentiate person to person. However, there is a universal guide to healthy dating qualities. They are as followed, and it starts with questioning:

1.Do you bring out the best in each other, not the worst?
2.Do you encourage each other to grow personally, professionally and emotionally?
3. Can you recognize when change is positive and healthy?
4. Do you trust each other and know that you can count on one another to do the right thing?
5. There’s no jealousy or second-guessing in the relationship?
6. Do you have fun together?
7.Do you share common core beliefs and values?
8. Do you try connecting on an emotional and spiritual level? This is as powerful and vital as a physical connection.
9.Do you communicate with each other out of care and concern instead of judgment and criticism?
10. What is the tone of  your voice when you are critical and judgmental? If It is harsh, there is a good chance there is not real care or concern for the other person.


Real talk. Do you have these qualities in your relationship? If not, you should be listening to that gut feeling. You know what it is right for you. It is that same feeling you had as a child when things just did not seem right. As adults we try to tune out this information.

I leave you with  this question:  If the person you are dating says or does anything counter to your morals or beliefs, how do you feel? Does it make you feel uneasy?

Pay attention to this the next time you start dating someone. Define what concerns you. Think how that behavior or attitude will  make you feel six months from now. If you are still with that person six months from, think how will you feel taking this bullshit 15 years from now. It is something to think about.

Remember, life is about choices. The 'one' you choose as a companion will dictate a great deal of your joys and sorrows. You have a gut feeling about things for a reason. Pay attention to it. It is the way of the universe telling you what is best for you. And it starts with self-love.

Morals of the week: Know you.

" Be Happy. It is one way of being wise."~Unknown

By Briana Booker

As I grow older, I am learning everyday that I guide my own happiness as well as my own unhappiness. Never blame someone else for your own unhappiness. You should be in control of your own life.

No one can make or break you. You allow it to happen or not. Never let fear hold you back from your own happiness.

You ask how to guide your own life and happiness, right?

My best advice is to know yourself. Be honest with yourself. Love yourself.  When you follow these guidelines, only then can you truly appreciate,love someone else and open doors for yourself in both your personal life and career wise!

It is easier said. It is harder to accomplish,but it does wonders once you start to uplift the barriers you set for yourself within your environment!

Enjoy life! Live.

" Being Happy doesn't mean everything is perfect..." ~Unknown.

Self-love and Self- initiative movement.

By Briana Booker

 Last night when I was whining about my life and feeling uncertain about my future, a very dear friend told me what i needed to hear than rather hear! She told me to stop feeling sorry for myself, snap out of it, and be thankful for what I do have and not exactly what I want to have in life. What great wisdom! Sometimes friends and loved ones are the instruments life, or i like to think God, gives us to see us through our struggles.

We have officially decided to make a promise to each other to name at least 3 things we are blessed for each day and 3 good things we like about ourselves. I would like to add 3 good things we like about others around us as well to this promise! I feel it will help us stay positive, love ourselves and be self-initiative in our goals and dreams.

I hope Fromgirltogirl readers try this as well! If you can not appreciate life as is, how can you live it?

Deep message: Check out Erykah Badu's Window Seat Music Video

( if you can not see the video above click here for the video).

See our opinions on this video on the article posted about Badu Fierce!

Self-love: The story behind Fromgirltogirl.

 Today we were checking our daily tweets! We came across a rather disturbing tweet! It made us remember why we created Fromgirltogirl! It is all about self-love. How are you going to love others and your community, if you can not love yourself?

It sickens us when we see a woman let herself be used and abused! Hurting yourself is nothing to brag about! Sleeping with other people's men is nothing to brag about! Putting others down or aiming to hurt someone else because you want something he or she has is nothing to brag about, ever!

We thank Car1ssa1234 for reminding us of our mission! Check this video out. It speaks for us.

How to not be a J-F-N ( Just for now) Chick!

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Now, some women might think that physical appearance and sex is all you need to get and keep a guy! It might work short-term,but long-term... think again! Fromgirltogirl advice of the week is for you not to be a J-F-N ( just for now) chick!  Yes a J-F-N includes being a mistress or being the third wheel!

No, your leggings and UGGS will not keep a guy interested! Your manicure and constant dieting will not keep him around! And definitely writing xoxo every where on his Twitter or Facebook will not keep a guy interested! Instead of searching for attention using outside influence and materialistic goods, try to display what you offer as a woman!

Show your cooking skills! Show a talent you have or know no one can do better than you! Show your sense of humor! Show the strengths of your personality! Beat him at his own video games! Be fun! It works in the long run!

No one wants to be just an object all the time! If you portray yourself as that, and only that... he will trade you in for an younger model when the looks start to fade away!

So learn to love you and he will surely be drawn to you and stay drawn!

Love,

Fromgirltogirl

Monday advice: keep real!

Recently I've been asked what's the point of saying you miss your significant other after a big dispute or bad breakup. It's about needs being met and conflict not being repeated. It doesn't mean you give up.

To make anything successful you must first experience failure. For the new year I believe there is no reason to hide how you feel. Communication about unmet needs is crucial to solving issues, no matter impersonal or personal. My best advice is to write a pros and cons list about your relationship.

Which list has more points displayed? If it's the negative points can you resolve them by you changing your behavior or by talking to your partner about concerns?

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Sometimes there are times to be heard and other times to just zip your mouth. Pick your battles. You don't have to always win them all. Try to figure what made you attractive to your partner in the beginning. When people invest time and effort in something long term it takes longer to get over it which could aid in resolving the situation. If things seem beyond repair try getting yourself together!

Self love is crucial to finding a good woman or man because people are attracted to positive energy! If you feel great about yourself the world will feel great about you! Remember only you can get rid of your own insecurites, no one can make you happy. A person can enhance your happiness but it's up to you to allow yourself real happiness. You know you best! I hope this advice helps.- fromgirltogirl




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